From the ancient wrtitings of the
Gnostics and the Essenes, to the native traditions throughout the
America's, hurt, blessing, beauty are acknowledged as the keys to
survivine our greatest tests. Prayer is the language that allows
us to apply the lessons of our experiences to the situations in our
lives.
From this perspective, "wisdom" and "hurt" are two extremess of the
same experience. They are the beginning and completion of the
same cycle. Hurt is our initial feeling, our gut response to
loss, disappointment, or the news of somtething that shocks our
emotions. Wisdom is the healed expression of our hurt. We
change hurt into wisdom by finding new meaning in painful
experiences. Blessing, beauty, and prayer are the tools for our
change.
Twentieth-century Christian visonary, Reverand Samuel Shoemaker
described the power of prayer to creat change in a single, poetic, and
perhaps deceptively simply sentence. "Prayer may not change
things for you but it for sure changes you for things. While we
may not be able to go back in time to undo the reason that we hurt to
begin with, we do have the power to change what the loss of loved
ones, the shock of broken promises, and life's disappointments
mean to us. In doing so, we open the door to move toward a
healing resolution of even our most hurtful experiences.
Without understanding the relationship between wisdom and hurt, our
experience of pain may see sendeless, even cruel, and continue as the
pain cycle remains open ended. But how are we to remove ourselves
from life's hurt long enough to find the wisdom in our
experiences? When we're reeling from a loss, a violated trust, or
a betrayal that was unthinkable only hours or moments before, how are
we to find refuge from our emotions long enough to feel something
else? This is where the power of blessing comes in..
Blessing is the Realease: Blessing is the ancient secret that
releases us from life's hurt long enough to replace it with another
feeling. When we bless the people or things that have hurt us, we
are temporarily suspending the cycle of pain. Whether this
suspension lasts for a nanosecond or an entire day, makes no
difference. Whatever the period of time, during the blessing a
doorway opens for us to begin our healing and move on with life.
The key is that for some period of time, we're released from our hurt
long enough to let something else into our hearts and minds. That
something is the power of Beauty.
Beauty is the Transformer: The most sacred and ancient traditions
remind us that beauty exists in all things, regardless of how we
interpret those things in our daily lives. Beauty is already
created, and always present. While we may modify our
surroundings, create new relationships and move to new locations
to please our ever changing ideas of balance and harmony, the building
blocks that go into such beauty are already there.
Beyond an appreciation for things that are simplly pleasing to our
eyes, beauty id described by wisdome traditions as an experience that
also touches our hearts, minds and souls. Through our ability to
perceive beauty in even the ugliest moments of life, we may elevate
ourselves from our experience long enough to give new meaning to our
hurt. In this way, beauty is a trigger that launches us into a
new perspective. The key, however, is that it appears to be
dormant untill we give it our attention. Beuaty awakens only when
we invited it into our lives.
The purpose of life:
ONE GREAT QUESTION underlies our experience, whether we think
about it consciously or not: What is the purpose of life? I have
considered this question and would like to share my thoughts in the
hope that they may be of direct, practical benefit to those who read
them.
I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the
moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want
suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology
affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire
contentment. I don’t know whether the universe, with its
countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but
at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth
face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it
is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of
happiness.
How to achieve happiness
For a start, it is possible to divide every kind of happiness and
suffering into two main categories: mental and physical. Of the
two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest influence on most of
us. Unless we are either gravely ill or deprived of basic
necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in
life. If the body is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind,
however, registers every event, no matter how small. Hence we should
devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace.
From my own limited experience I have found that the greatest
degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and
compassion.
The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own
sense of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling
for others automatically puts the mind at ease. This helps remove
whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to
cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source of
success in life.
As long as we live in this world we are bound to encounter
problems. If, at such times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we
diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on the other hand, we
remember that it is not just ourselves but every one who has to undergo
suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our
determination and capacity to overcome troubles. Indeed, with this
attitude, each new obstacle can be seen as yet another valuable
opportunity to improve our mind!
Thus we can strive gradually to become more compassionate, that is
we can develop both genuine sympathy for others’ suffering and the will
to help remove their pain. As a result, our own serenity and inner
strength will increase.
Our need for love
Ultimately, the reason why love and compassion bring the greatest
happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The
need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It
results from the profound interdependence we all share with one
another. However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone,
he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent one may
feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or
very young or very old, one must depend on the support of others.
Inter-dependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Not
only higher forms of life but also many of the smallest insects are
social beings who, without any religion, law or education, survive by
mutual cooperation based on an innate recognition of their
interconnectedness. The most subtle level of material phenomena is also
governed by interdependence. All phenomena from the planet we inhabit
to the oceans, clouds, forests and flowers that surround us, arise in
dependence upon subtle patterns of energy. Without their proper
interaction, they dissolve and decay.
It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help
of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our
existence. Therefore we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a
sincere concern for the welfare of others.
We have to consider what we human beings really are. We are not
like machine-made objects. If we are merely mechanical entities, then
machines themselves could alleviate all of our sufferings and fulfill
our needs.
However, since we are not solely material creatures, it is a
mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development
alone. Instead, we should consider our origins and nature to discover
what we require.
Leaving aside the complex question of the creation and evolution
of our universe, we can at least agree that each of us is the product
of our own parents. In general, our conception took place not just in
the context of sexual desire but from our parents’ decision to have a
child. Such decisions are founded on responsibility and altruism — the
parents’ compassionate commitment to care of their child until it is
able to take care of itself. Thus, from the very moment of our
conception, our parents’ love is directly in our creation.
Moreover, we are completely dependent upon our mothers’ care from
the earliest stages of our growth. According to some scientists, a
pregnant woman’s mental state, be it calm or agitated, has a direct
physical effect on her unborn child.
The expression of love is also very important at the time of
birth. Since the very first thing we do is suck milk from our mothers’
breast, we naturally feel close to her, and she must feel love for us
in order to feed us properly; if she feels anger or resentment her milk
may not flow freely.
Then there is the critical period of brain development from the
time of birth up to at least the age of three or four, during which
time loving physical contact is the single most important factor for
the normal growth of the child. If the child is not held, hugged,
cuddled, or loved, its development will be impaired and its brain will
not mature properly.
Since a child cannot survive without the care of others, love is
its most important nourishment. The happiness of childhood, the
allaying of the child’s many fears and the healthy development of its
self-confidence all depend directly upon love.
Nowadays, many children grow up in unhappy homes. If they do not
receive proper affection, in later life they will rarely love their
parents and, not infrequently, will find it hard to love others. This
is very sad.
As children grow older and enter school, their need for support
must be met by their teachers. If a teacher not only imparts academic
education but also assumes responsibility for preparing students for
life, his or her pupils will feel trust and respect and what has been
taught will leave an indelible impression on their minds. On the other
hand, subjects taught by a teacher who does not show true concern for
his or her students’ overall well-being will be regarded as temporary
and not retained for long.
Similarly, if one is sick and being treated in hospital by a
doctor who evinces a warm human feeling, one feels at ease and the
doctors’ desire to give the best possible care is itself curative,
irrespective of the degree of his or her technical skill. On the other
hand, if one’s doctor lacks human feeling and displays an unfriendly
expression, impatience or casual disregard, one will feel anxious, even
if he or she is the most highly qualified doctor and the disease has
been correctly diagnosed and the right medication prescribed.
Inevitably, patients’ feelings make a difference to the quality and
completeness of their recovery.
Even when we engage in ordinary conversation in everyday life, if
someone speaks with human feeling we enjoy listening, and respond
accordingly; the whole conversation becomes interesting, however
unimportant the topic may be. On the other hand, if a person speaks
coldly or harshly, we feel uneasy and wish for a quick end to the
interaction. From the least to the most important event, the affection
and respect of others are vital for our happiness.
Recently I met a group of scientists in America who said that the
rate of mental illness in their country was quite high-around twelve
percent of the population. It became clear during our discussion that
the main cause of depression was not a lack of material necessities but
a deprivation of the affection of the others.
So, as you can see from everything I have written so far, one
thing seems clear to me: whether or not we are consciously aware of it,
from the day we are born, the need for human affection is in
our very blood. Even if the affection comes from an animal or someone
we would normally consider an enemy, both children and adults will
naturally gravitate towards it.
I believe that no one is born free from the need for love. And
this demonstrates that, although some modern schools of thought seek to
do so, human beings cannot be defined as solely physical. No material
object, however beautiful or valuable, can make us feel loved, because
our deeper identity and true character lie in the subjective nature of
the mind.
Developing compassion
Some of my friends have told me that, while love and compassion
are marvelous and good, they are not really very relevant. Our world,
they say, is not a place where such beliefs have much influence or
power. They claim that anger and hatred are so much a part of human
nature that humanity will always be dominated by them. I do not agree.
We humans have existed in our present form for about a
hundred-thousand years. I believe that if during this time the human
mind had been primarily controlled by anger and hatred, our overall
population would have decreased. But today, despite all our wars, we
find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly
indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world. And
this is why unpleasant events are “news”; compassionate activities are
so much part of daily life that they are taken for granted and,
therefore, largely ignored.
So far I have been discussing mainly the mental benefits of
compassion, but it contributes to good physical health as well,
According to my personal experience, mental stability and physical
well-being are directly related. Without question, anger and agitation
make us more susceptible to illness. On the other hand, if the mind is
tranquil and occupied with positive thoughts, the body will not easily
fall prey to disease.
But of course it is also true that we all have an innate
self-centeredness that inhibits our love for others. So, since we
desire the true happiness that is brought about by only a calm mind,
and since such peace of mind is brought about by only a compassionate
attitude, how can we develop this? Obviously, it is not enough for us
simply to think about how nice compassion is! We need to make a
concerted effort to develop it; we must use all the events of our daily
life to transform our thoughts and behavior.
First of all, we must be clear about what we mean by compassion.
Many forms of compassionate feeling are mixed with desire and
attachment. For instance, the love parents feel of their child is often
strongly associated with their own emotional needs, so it is
not fully compassionate. Again, in marriage, the love between husband
and wife - particularly at the beginning, when each partner still
may not know the other’s deeper character very well - depends more on
attachment than genuine love. Our desire can be so strong that the
person to whom we are attached appears to be good, when in fact he or
she is very negative. In addition, we have a tendency to exaggerate
small positive qualities. Thus when one partner’s attitude changes, the
other partner is often disappointed and his or her attitude changes
too. This is an indication that love has been motivated more by
personal need than by genuine care for the other individual.
True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm
commitment founded on reason. Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude
towards others does not change even if they behave negatively.
Of course, developing this kind of compassion is not at all easy!
As a start, let us consider the following facts:
Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and
disruptive, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like
oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore,
their right to overcome suffering and be happy is equal to one’s own.
Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire
for happiness and their right to obtain it, you
automatically feel empathy and closeness for them. Through accustoming
your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of
responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively overcome
their problems. Nor is this wish selective; it applies equally to all.
As long as they are human beings experiencing pleasure and pain just as
you do, there is no logical basis to discriminate between them or to
alter your concern for them if they behave negatively.
Let me emphasize that it is within your power, given patience and
time, to develop this kind of compassion. Of course, our
self-centeredness, our distinctive attachment to the feeling of an
independent, self-existent “I”, works fundamentally to inhibit our
compassion. Indeed, true compassion can be experienced only when this
type of self- grasping is eliminated. But this does not mean that we
cannot start and make progress now.
How can we start
We should begin by removing the greatest hindrances to compassion:
anger and hatred. As we all know, these are extremely powerful emotions
and they can overwhelm our entire mind. Nevertheless, they can be
controlled. If, however, they are not, these negative emotions will
plague us - with no extra effort on their part! - and impede our quest
for the happiness of a loving mind.
So as a start, it is useful to investigate whether or not anger is
of value. Sometimes, when we are discouraged by a difficult situation,
anger does seem helpful, appearing to bring with it more energy,
confidence and determination.
Here, though, we must examine our mental state carefully. While itis
true that anger brings extra energy, if we explore the nature of this
energy, we discover that it is blind: we cannot be
sure whether its result will be positive or negative. This is because
anger eclipses the best part of our brain: its rationality. So the
energy of anger is almost always unreliable. It can cause an immense
amount of destructive, unfortunate behavior. Moreover, if anger
increases to the extreme, one becomes like a mad person, acting in ways
that are as damaging to oneself as they are to others.
It is possible, however, to develop an equally forceful but far
more controlled energy with which to handle difficult situations.
This controlled energy comes not only from a compassionate
attitude, but also from reason and patience. These are the most
powerful antidotes to anger. Unfortunately, many people misjudge these
qualities as signs of weakness. I believe the opposite to be true: that
they are the true signs of inner strength. Compassion is by nature
gentle, peaceful and soft, but it is very powerful.
It is those who easily lose their patience who are insecure and
unstable. Thus, to me, the arousal of anger is a direct sign of
weakness.
So, when a problem first arises, try to remain
humble and maintain a sincere attitude and be concerned that the
outcome is fair. Of course, others may try to take advantage of you,
and if your remaining detached only encourages unjust aggression, adopt
a strong stand, This, however, should be done with compassion, and if it
is necessary to express your views and take strong
countermeasures, do so without anger or ill-intent.
You should realize that even though your opponents appear to be
harming you, in the end, their destructive activity will damage only
themselves. In order to check your own selfish impulse to retaliate,
you should recall your desire to practice compassion and assume
responsibility for helping prevent the other person from suffering the
consequences of his or her acts.
Thus, because the measures you employ have been calmly chosen,
they will be more effective, more accurate and more forceful.
Retaliation based on the blind energy of anger seldom hits the target.
Friends and enemies
I must emphasize again that merely thinking that compassion and
reason and patience are good will not be enough to develop them. We
must wait for difficulties to arise and then attempt to practice them.
And who creates such opportunities? Not our friends, of course,
but our enemies. They are the ones who give us the most
trouble, So if we truly wish to learn, we should consider enemies to be
our best teacher!
For a person who cherishes compassion and love, the practice of
tolerance is essential, and for that, an enemy is indispensable. So we
should feel grateful to our enemies, for it is they
who can best help us develop a tranquil mind! Also, itis
often the case in both personal and public life, that with a change in
circumstances, enemies become friends.
So anger and hatred are always harmful, and unless we
train our minds and work to reduce their negative force, they will
continue to disturb us and disrupt our attempts to develop a calm mind.
Anger and hatred are our real enemies. These are the forces we most
need to confront and defeat, not the temporary “enemies” who appear
intermittently throughout life.
Of course, it is natural and right that we all want friends. I
often joke that if you really want to be selfish, you should be very
altruistic! You should take good care of others, be concerned for their
welfare, help them, serve them, make more friends, make more smiles,
The result? When you yourself need help, you find plenty of helpers!
If, on the other hand, you neglect the happiness of others, in the long
term you will be the loser. And is friendship produced through quarrels
and anger, jealousy and intense competitiveness? I do not think so.
Only affection brings us genuine close friends.
In today’s materialistic society, if you have money and power, you
seem to have many friends. But they are not friends of yours; they are
the friends of your money and power. When you lose your wealth and
influence, you will find it very difficult to track these people down.
The trouble is that when things in the world go
well for us, we become confident that we can manage by ourselves and
feel we do not need friends, but as our status and health decline, we
quickly realize how wrong we were. That is the moment when we learn who
is really helpful and who is completely useless. So to prepare for that
moment, to make genuine friends who will help us when the need arises,
we ourselves must cultivate altruism!
Though sometimes people laugh when I say it, I myself always want
more friends. I love smiles. Because of this I have the problem of
knowing how to make more friends and how to get more smiles, in
particular, genuine smiles. For there are many kinds of smile, such as
sarcastic, artificial or diplomatic smiles. Many smiles produce no
feeling of satisfaction, and sometimes they can even create suspicion
or fear, can’t they? But a genuine smile really gives us a feeling of
freshness and is, I believe, unique to human beings. If these are the
smiles we want, then we ourselves must create the reasons for them to
appear.
Compassion and the world
In conclusion, I would like briefly to expand my thoughts beyond
the topic of this short piece and make a wider point: individual
happiness can contribute in a profound and effective way to the overall
improvement of our entire human community.
Because we all share an identical need for love, it is possible to
feel that anybody we meet, in whatever circumstances, is a brother or
sister. No matter how new the face or how different the dress and
behavior, there is no significant division between us and other people.
It is foolish to dwell on external differences, because our basic
natures are the same.
Ultimately, humanity is one and this small planet is our only
home, If we are to protect this home of ours, each of us needs to
experience a vivid sense of universal altruism. It is only this feeling
that can remove the self-centered motives that cause people to deceive
and misuse one another.
If you have a sincere and open heart, you naturally feel self-
worth and confidence, and there is no need to be fearful of others.
I believe that at every level of society - familial, tribal,
national and international - the key to a happier and more successful
world is the growth of compassion. We do not need to become religious,
nor do we need to believe in an ideology. All that is necessary is for
each of us to develop our good human qualities.
I try to treat whoever I meet as an old friend.
This gives me a genuine feeling of happiness. It is the practice
of compassion.
***
